When friendship goes too far (Part 1)

I bumped into her in the cereal aisle; she was the same bubbly Bidemi that I remember from 2 years ago. We hugged. I wanted to move on as quickly as possible, but she wasn't having any of it.

“Wow, it’s really good to see you”

I tried to return her bright smile, but I was tired.

“How’ve you been? It’s really been ages”

“Yeah I know. I keep telling George that I really should pay you guys a visit sometime”

My ears twitched at the sound of my husband’s name, but I smiled like I knew what she was talking about- I wasn't even aware George had spoken to her recently.

“Hmmm yeah”

“I mean, only last week I suggested that we should all do something to celebrate his promotion at work. I even offered to take you guys to lunch or something, but he went on and on about how busy you are these days.”

I was speechless; I didn’t know my husband had been promoted.

“You must be really proud of him, and I know how unexpected it was given the issues he’s been having at work lately”

My head was spinning. George had been having issues at work? I wrapped the conversation up as quickly as I could; afraid that the longer I stayed there the easier it would be for her to realise that I was completely in the dark about all the things she was telling me about my husband. I abandoned the half full trolley and made my way to the car park, shopping would have to wait another few days. I sat in my car for at least 20 mins afraid to grip the staring wheel with my shaky hands.

George and I had been married for almost 2 years; most of that time had been less than pleasant. The honeymoon phase fizzled away quite quickly as we attempted to adjust to married life. I trusted George completely; I knew he would never cheat on me. Not because he loved me, but because he loved God. But this hurt. It hurt me more than it would have if I caught him in bed with another woman. How can my husband share such personal things with someone else?

**************

This story was inspired by a conversation my colleagues had during lunch yesterday. It was interesting to hear how most guys don’t understand why their wives have an issue with them forming close friendships with ex girlfriends or people of the opposite sex – a handful of the guys unfortunately put it down to a lack of trust by their wives.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying do not have friends of the opposite sex just because you are married or in a relationship, I’m just saying you and your friend should respect your relationship enough to set and maintain boundaries within the friendship that do not threaten the relationship with your spouse. The truth is that the devil is working overtime to destroy marriages and relationships. Why give him a chance? Is that friendship more important than what you have built or are trying to build with your spouse?

What exactly is Emotional Infidelity? 

In my opinion it’s when you form meaningful attachments with people other than your partner in ways that prevent your partner from having that deep emotional intimacy with you. It damages relationships because it is about “connection” which is what people want.  It usually stems from feeling emotionally distant from the “spouse who doesn’t understand you” or “who doesn’t appreciate you” making you more vulnerable to becoming emotionally attached to an idealized friend- you have allowed that person access to a part of you God intended for your spouse.

No one really starts out wanting to commit infidelity of any kind – sexual, emotional e.t.c, but without boundaries you are at risk for emotional infidelity, even if you have a solid relationship, because attention and affection from someone new always feels good.

How does it start?

• Spend plenty of time with a person of the opposite sex who is not your spouse
• Tell your life story to one another
• Share from deep in your heart, especially where your spouse misses your heart
• Share seemingly meaningful experiences together-achievement at work or ministry offers this
• Let yourself relax and enjoy the others presence
• And for good Christian measure, pray with the other person to deny your sexual attraction-heartfelt prayer is more intimate than sex in many ways and in this situation gives the illusion you are doing the 'right' thing.

Source: Marriage Restored

Can you prevent it from happening?

The bible tells us in 1Tessalonians 5:22 “Abstain from evil [shrink from it and keep aloof from it] in whatever form or whatever kind it may be” and 1Peter 5:8 “Be well balanced (temperate, sober of mind), be vigilant and cautious at all times; for that enemy of yours, the devil, roams around like a lion roaring [in fierce hunger], seeking someone to seize upon and devour.” As long as you set and maintain the boundaries around your primary relationship strong, you'll stay safely in love!

• First, guard your thoughts. How? Well, the Bible says in 2 Corinthians 10:5 that you are to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. This simply means you must take control of your thoughts!
•  Next, you must communicate to your spouse when you feel unappreciated. If there are deeper issues, seek Christian counselling.
• Set boundaries for interacting with the opposite sex.
• Divulge all opposite sex friendships to your spouse.
• Regularly seek ways to keep your relationship fresh and exciting.

Source: Christian Marriage Today

So ladies and gentlemen, guard your heart with all diligence for out of it flow the issues of life.

Related Article : The Emotional Affair: When Friendship Goes Too Far, When Friendship goes too far