A friend loves at all times.

So you know how I hardly delete emails? Well the poem I’ve written below was one I sent someone in 2010 (or was it 2011?). I found it a few weeks ago while organising my inbox and it got me thinking about friends and friendship. I decided then that I’d write a post about friendship at some point, and today presented a wonderful opportunity. As is our custom, my colleagues and I had a heated conversation during lunch about....yes you guessed it “Friendship”.

The conversation centred on what you wouldn’t do around your spouse and it got me thinking about the concept of your spouse as your best friend. A concept I realise that a lot of people do not fully understand. I do not claim to fully understand it either and maybe I’m being idealistic about believing that I should be able to share everything with my spouse and he should be able to share everything with me. If my spouse is my best friend, then there shouldn’t be another person on earth that is privy to information or knows a side of me that he doesn’t, and I expect it to be the same for him as well. I realise that this might be the ideal situation, but it’s not always the case especially when you are not unconditionally accepted by your spouse. I read an article a few weeks ago that stated unconditional acceptance as one of the 5 traits of a true Christian friend, and quoted Proverbs 17:17 “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity” as the scripture reference. In the absence of unconditional acceptance I find that people are not as relaxed and as open as they should be for fear of rejection.

During the conversation, a colleague made a statement that’s still ringing in my head, she said ‘you chose to be or stop being a friend’. That statement came at a time when I’m learning that all of life is based on choice- you chose to react a certain way to situations within or beyond your control, and friendship is no exception. You chose to be a friend and you chose to stop being a friend.

They say some people come into our lives for a season and others for a reason, but our spouses are not one of the season type people. Friendships do not build and maintain themselves, like everything else they require effort from us. Is your friendship with your spouse a priority to you, or are you investing more in friendships with your guys or your girls?

To my husband, “My brother, my best friend, we’ll be friends forever not because of chance, but because we chose to be everyday of our lives” and to all my friends “Though you do not compare to the love of my life, I am grateful to God for you - you are loved and deeply cherished, I chose you too”