“What arrant nonsense,
Jimi can never try that rubbish with me”.
She put her hand on my
shoulder.
“My dear you have to confront him, nip it in
the bud before it gets out of hand. Stand your ground; let him know that you
won’t take such nonsense. Imagine! A married man going around claiming to have
a woman other than his wife as his best friend. My dear, that’s how it starts
oh”
Source: Pinterest
I turned to look at Uju. She smiled as she finally spoke.
I turned to look at Uju. She smiled as she finally spoke.
Rolling her eyes, Chi
turned to look at me “see ehn Jesus will not come down to fix this problem for
you, even the bible tells you that God helps those who help themselves”
“First of all Chi the
bible doesn’t say God helps those who help themselves, secondly Gbemi it starts
with prayer. The bible says the
wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish
one tears hers down. Wisdom is profitable to direct my dear, I can’t
tell you what to do, only God can. So you need to....”
“Shebi I said it, madam Pastor. See ehn, I have
nothing against praying, but have you ever seen God? Has God ever come down
here to solve anyone’s problem? Baby girl take charge oh. You will be there doing
holy Christian sister and this woman will take over your home right under your nose”
Chi is right. I can’t afford to waste any more time. I have to take charge of
the situation. I have to take charge of it now!
“Thanks Uju, I think Chi is right. This thing is
happening here and now, i can’t afford to waste any time, I have to address it
now.”
I could tell it was difficult for her to hold her
tongue, but as is typical of Uju, she smiled and let it go.
As I drove home, I thought of the events of the
past few months and tried to decide how I’d start the conversation with George
that evening. George and Bidemi had been best friends long before I came into
the picture, a relationship that didn’t seem to respect the fact that he and I were
now man and wife. I’d ignored it and truth be told it hadn’t constituted much
of a problem until recently. These days it was Bidemi said this, Bidemi said
that, they increasingly discuss and decide on things he’s never mentioned to me.
Don’t get me wrong, I trust my husband. It’s the devil I don’t trust. It’s up
to us not to give him a foothold and this is a foothold if there ever was one.
**********
Clearing my throat ”First of all I’d like to
apologise for how I shut you down the other day. I should have at least
listened to what you had to say before making my decision”
Smiling Uju set her teacup down. “It’s ok dear,
thank you for the apology, but you really don’t owe me one. Everyone is
entitled to their opinion and free to make their own decisions. If I may ask,
what brought about this change of heart?”
I told her about how Chi had taken her own advice,
and how it hadn’t worked out well for her.
“First of all, let me apologise if what I’ll say
will sound too Christianese. It’s all I know. The bible says there is a way
that seems right to a man, but at the end is destruction. I have no doubt in my
mind that Chi thought she was giving you the best advice; after all it’s what
she did. But Wisdom without God is bound to fail”
She went on to tell me how she had experienced
the same thing with her husband during their first year of marriage, and how it
had escalated during the period they fought a lot. He had confided in this
friend, sharing his thoughts and feeling with her in a way he had no business
sharing with someone other than his wife. She didn’t know what do to, so she
did what she always did. She took it to God. She poured out her hearth and pain to
Him and asked Him what to do. She prayed until she felt a peace and release to
approach her husband with it, believing God had prepared his heart to really
hear her. That night when they sat down to talk, even before she said anything,
her husband began to apologise. He told her he recently realised how he had
prioritised other relationships above theirs and how it had negatively affected
their marriage.
“I was speechless; I knew it only had to be God.
I didn’t have to say a single word. I thanked him for his apology and offered
him my forgiveness. Now I am not saying the same will be your case, but God
will fight for your marriage if you completely allow Him to. Don’t get me wrong,
you are not absolved of any responsibility, you still have to follow His
instructions. So go home. Pray. Lay you thoughts, hurts, fears, concerns at His
feet, and most importantly, do whatever He says”
We chatted a bit more, about life, the bakery and
her kids.
That was 4 days ago. Having fully settled all with God, I’m ready
to talk to my husband. I can’t tell a lie, I’m mad nervous. A part of me feels
like I’m being naggy, but I know in my heart it’s the right thing to do.
“So what did you wanna talk about babe?”
“Hmmm just something that has been on my mind for
a while”
“OK?”
“First of all, I’d just like to say I love you
very much, and I know you love me too. I trust you....”
“How much do you want?”
Almost choking on my smoothie. “Hahahaha, it’s
not about money jor”
“Ehen, ok o. Oya sorry, continue”
“Ok yeah, so as I was saying, there’s something
going on that I feel is having a negative impact on our relationship. I would
never tell you who you should or shouldn’t be friends with, but as your wife
and fellow steward of this marriage, I feel I have the responsibility to point
out things that might be negatively affecting it.”
“Fair enough, what is it?”
“For a while now, I feel like your friendship
with Bidemi is casting a shadow on our relationship, and it hurts me when you
share things with her you haven’t shared with me. I feel like that’s intimacy
meant to be shared by us. I know you guys have been friends for years. I’m not
asking you to stop being friends with her, but just that there needs to be a
realisation that that friendship cannot continue in it’s present form. You are
my best friend. I am supposed to be yours, so another woman.
He silently stared at me for what must have been
an hour before he spoke.
“I’m sorry. I never realised you felt this way”
He shook his head.
“It’s not even a matter of how you feel, but what
is right. You are right, I cannot have the same relationship with Bidemi I did
before you and I got married. I guess I it was just easier to default to the
familiar when things between you and I started getting rocky. I am so sorry”
Read Part 1
Read Part 1
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