Marriage seems to be the hot topic these days, maybe it's because there seems to be one wedding or another every other Saturday. I often wonder about peoples experiences and how they end up at the alter- here is an interesting article from Marriage Missions International , which gives a somewhat different perspective than what people i know have experienced.
Loving
Jesus must be your number one priority in life if you’re going to become the
kind of person God wants you to become and be able to give and receive love in
your marriage the way you should. So reach out to Jesus with all of your heart,
devoting the best of your time and energy to pursuing a closer relationship
with Him. Place your relationship with Jesus at the centre of your life and
revolve everything else around it.
Find
your “two.” If
you’re not yet married and are looking for a spouse, search for a spouse
carefully, in ways that honour God.
Don’t even consider marrying someone who’s not a Christian because
you can’t ever truly be compatible with someone who doesn’t share your
spiritual connect with Jesus, and marrying a non-Christian can only bring
misery into your life that will grow.
Beyond choosing a person who’s a Christian, you should also look
for someone who shares common interests with you, whose personality fits well
with yours, and to whom you’re physically attracted. Don’t rush the process,
and don’t settle for less than God’s best for you simply to marry by a certain
time.
Move a
relationship with a potential spouse through first gear. In first gear, when your relationship with
a potential future spouse is just beginning, work to get to know each other
well and build a strong foundation of friendship. Rather than spending time
alone, try to spend most of your time together with groups of people. If your
discover that you’re not interested in taking the relationship to the next
gear, then don’t lead the other person on; be honest about how you feel to
avoid hurting that person more deeply later on.
Move a
relationship with a potential spouse through second gear. In second gear, as you sense God blessing
your friendship, you can spend more time alone together. But continue to guard
your heart, and avoid discussing marriage at this point. However, ask yourself
questions like:
“Is this person becoming more
like Christ?”
“Does this person have a strong and growing character?”
“Does this person have the right kind of friends?”
“Is this person responsible —financially, relationally, emotionally, intellectually?”
“Is our attraction increasing?”
“Are we helping each other grow closer to God, rather than drawing each other away from Him?”
“Does this person have a strong and growing character?”
“Does this person have the right kind of friends?”
“Is this person responsible —financially, relationally, emotionally, intellectually?”
“Is our attraction increasing?”
“Are we helping each other grow closer to God, rather than drawing each other away from Him?”
If the person you’re dating isn’t helping you move closer to God
or isn’t right for you, break up with him or her as soon as you know.
Move a
relationship with a potential spouse through third gear. In third gear, you should discuss the
possibility of getting married and explore it with the help of prayer, advice
from mentors, getting to know each other’s families, and talking openly about
how each of you have been both hurt and helped in life and what dreams each of
you are hoping will come true in your lives. Don’t hesitate to break up if God
isn’t clearly leading the two of you to get married; it’s better to end the
relationship (and grieve and heal) before making a lifetime commitment than to
marry when you know you shouldn’t.
Source: Pinterest
Move
into fourth gear: engagement. If it’s
clear to you both that marriage is where God is leading your relationship, then
set a wedding date. But use the time during your engagement to plan your
marriage —not just your wedding. Participate in premarital counseling, and
discuss issues about which you’ll have to make decisions about together in
married life, like: career choices, where you’ll live once you’re married, how
you’ll share and manage your finances, your philosophy for bearing and raising
children, which church you’ll be a part of together, and how you plan to grow
spiritually together.
Continue to protect your sexual purity during your entire
engagement until you’re actually married, so you can enjoy God’s best during
your marriage. The fifth gear is marriage itself!
Pursue
sexual purity. Keep in
mind that you can’t have premarital sex without consequences (physical,
emotional, and spiritual), so your future marriage will be affected in
significant ways if you and your future spouse have sex before your wedding.
Realize that you can’t have premarital sex without intimacy, either, since God
designed sex to develop intimacy between people, so if you end up breaking up
with the person you had sex with it, the breakup will hurt badly.
Ask God to help you make and keep a commitment to abstain from
sexual behavior of any kind until your wedding night. You’ll gain many benefits
if you do, including trust between you and your spouse (if you compromise
sexually before marriage, you may compromise after marriage by having affairs)
and an exciting sex life (that you’ll never have to compare to the thrill of
dangerous sex before marriage and are free to build with real intimacy between
you). Set clear boundaries of behavior in your relationship to guard your
sexual purity (such as no sleepovers) and ask some trusted friends to hold you
both accountable to respect those boundaries.
Identify
sins and wounds and pursue repentance and healing. Both you and the person you’re considering
marrying need to confess sins to God regularly, repent of them, and accept
God’s forgiveness and strength to make better decisions. You all should also
talk honestly with God and each other about the emotional wounds you’ve
suffered in life, and seek God’s healing for them, perhaps through Christian
counseling. This will help you both begin married life as healthy as possible.
Keep
passion alive after you’re married. Every new day that God gives you and your
spouse during your marriage, pursue each other like you did when you were
dating, seeking to learn something new about each other, and nurture the
passion and deepen the intimacy between you. Don’t keep sins or secrets from
each other; confess them to each other and pray for each other regularly.
Submit
to God together. Rather
than trying to convince each other to make decisions that either you want or
that your spouse wants, commit to seeking God’s will together regularly and
basing your decisions on the guidance He gives you. Learn how to pray together,
listen carefully to each other and to God, and work through conflicts with love
and respect.
This article is adapted
from the book, Love, Sex, and Happily Ever After: Preparing for a
Marriage That Goes the Distance
, written by Craig
Groeschel, published by WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing. “Craig Groeschel’s
practical book should be a mandatory read for anyone who wants to be happily
married someday. It is a rare author who can lead you into some very
challenging places and have you laughing out loud while he does it” -Shaunti
Feldhahn, nationally syndicated columnist and best-selling author of For Women
Only.
, written by Craig
Groeschel, published by WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing. “Craig Groeschel’s
practical book should be a mandatory read for anyone who wants to be happily
married someday. It is a rare author who can lead you into some very
challenging places and have you laughing out loud while he does it” -Shaunti
Feldhahn, nationally syndicated columnist and best-selling author of For Women
Only.