March 21, 2012 Ezer Kenegdo 2 Comments

An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. – Proverbs 31:10

I often believe my husband has not found an excellent wife. When he tells me I have been short with him lately, overreacting and snapping unnecessarily, I am discouraged at my lack of excellence. Impatience and disrespect have brought embarrassment to him on several occasions.
My task-oriented, performance-driven heart attempts to fix itself by making a list: An excellent wife cooks with organic food (not Velveeta), sews her own clothing (or at least irons her husbands shirts!), speaks only words dripping with grace (and not sarcasm) and reads her Bible for hours on end (okay, minutes?!).
The list brings more condemnation; concrete evidence that I cannot be an excellent wife on my own.


While all of these things can be signs of excellence, they are definitely not requirements. Turning to Scripture for comfort and conviction, I am reminded: An excellent wife is not found but forged. No man goes out and finds a woman who is pure wife perfection and marries her. Neither of them truly know what that even looks like yet!  

It is the character of God, and not our husbands, that can be fully and firmly trusted. Our core identity must be anchored in Christ alone.
A godly woman becomes an excellent wife as she understands she is made in the image of God, re-made in the image of Christ, and formed over a lifetime of repentance and redemption. Excellence is not measured by a to-do list; it is manifested in the life of a wife who knows Jesus intimately.


An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones. – Proverbs 12:4
When I humbly and honestly assess the times I bring my husband shame, I am sobered by its destruction. To bring rottenness to his bones means mine are already disintegrating with unbelief and bitterness. We bring shame as wives when we:
  1. Focus on our husband’s sin
  2. Think our way is better, prioritizing ourselves over him
  3. Speak harshly to him or derogatively about him to anyone 
  4. Withhold blessing, prayer, sex, or encouragement of any sort in an effort to punish, manipulate, or “get the message across”
The wife who brings shame to her husband is the daughter who does not truly know and trust her heavenly Father.
If the wife’s identity is centered around her man, she will certainly deliver shame when he disappoints – as he will inevitably do. It is the character of God, and not our husbands, that can be fully and firmly trusted. Our core identity must be anchored in Christ alone.


We are made precious by Jesus. This heart transformation is the basis for any preciousness that our husbands experience in us. It is not about what we do but what our precious Savior has done for us that graces us with the power to be excellent wives. We are helpless on our own.

Excellence is not measured by a to-do list; it is manifested in the life of a wife who knows Jesus intimately.
A godly wife understands that she is nothing outside of the saving grace of Jesus Christ and has no excellence apart from him. Christ’s grace and love are precious to her. Fueled by his riches, she will become a glorious crown to her husband as she helps, nurtures, and loves him from the depths of Christ’s righteousness in her.
It takes a 10-minute ceremony to become a wife. It takes a lifetime to become an excellent wife – one who understands that Christ’s shed blood on the cross is needed to offer excellence to our husbands.

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  1. Great stuff Ezer-meet! The part of the post that caught my attention was about the woman's identity being centered on the man.

    I'm a man and I've never been married, so as far as experts on the subject go, I'm not one. I am a person though (surprise!!) and I do have an understanding of people by GOD's grace. I've seen marriages and other relationships where people 'mis-identify' themselves. People often build good intentions on the faulty assumptions. Never works out well!

    I once delved into the definitions of Love and one meaning that was somewhat new to me was that Love means to "derive all peace and satisfaction from". Did I actively identify and remember where my peace and satisfaction should come from. NO! I should love GOD first. It is out of that Love I become enabled to love others in the right way. I'm still just learning that practically.

    The Bible commands me to Love GOD with everything first. I think that should be me deriving all of my peace and satisfaction from GOD. Then GOD can direct me to receive 'some' of my peace and satisfaction 'through' imperfect people (but they are not the source). We all 'know' that nobody is perfect, but do we 'realize' what that means about the way we should relate to people? I believe the difference would be resounding.

    It's easier to know that than to practice it, only the grace of GOD can work that out in a person.

    Getting it wrong means dishonoring GOD, setting those people up for failure and ourselves for disappointment. That also devaluing our relationships with our 'under-loved' GOD and the 'over-loved' person. We probably develop distorted images of GOD, ourselves and the people as well as this mistake repeats itself (which is why I relate this to identity). So these are important things to get right to live in peace with GOD and with others!

    Thank GOD for Grace and Mercy right!

    Jeremiah 17:7-8
    7[Most] blessed is the man who believes in, trusts in, and relies on the Lord, and whose hope and confidence the Lord is. (AMP)
    8 He will be strong, like a tree planted near water
    that sends its roots by a stream.
    It is not afraid when the days are hot;
    its leaves are always green.
    It does not worry in a year when no rain comes;
    it always produces fruit.(NCV)

    1. I like the definition of love you shared- "derive all peace and satisfaction from". It was probably at some point last year that i realized the correlation between 'Love with/of/for God' and my relationship with others.He really is the source, and when its running low with Him, there's nothing to give anyone else.

      I pray God teaches us not to misrepresent ourselves nor have unrealistic expectations of others.