Many couples don't take enough time to talk, bond, and firmly connect with each
other during the early days of their marriage. If you're a newlywed, you can
apply the 24-5 Principle by doing the following:
- Establish a special, exclusive covenant for
one year.
- Refrain from all extra responsibilities during
that year.
- Focus on and establish your marriage before
you move out into career advancement, ministry, and further education.
- Invest in and bond with your spouse
emotionally, spiritually, relationally, and sexually.
- Bring happiness to one another; limit your
time with others during the first year.
You can expect some resistance from
family members and friends on this decision. But ask them to pray for your
marriage throughout this first year together.
What if you're asked by your church
to take on a major task during that time? One counselor advises his clients to
say something like, "Thank you for thinking of us. We're so pleased with
the church and so encouraged by all of you. But we've been strongly advised by
our counselor to invest in each other this first year of our marriage—to really
bond and connect with each other and limit our activities. We promised him we'd
do that. But please ask us again in a year or so, okay? We really want to be
involved."
What if you're past the one-year
mark? You can apply the 24-5 Principle at any time in your marriage. Here are
five steps to doing just that:
1. Keep your
promise. Many couples, at their weddings, light a "unity candle"
and blow out their individual candles. That symbolizes husband and wife dying
to themselves in order to give birth to something new and much more intimate,
beautiful, and mysterious—"two becoming one." One of the best ways to
become one is to spend time together, and that can happen when you and your
spouse talk, celebrate special occasions, set goals, go shopping, pay bills,
play tennis, or study a devotional book.
2. Be intentional
and selective. Everyone has the same amount of time—24 hours a day. Avoid
being sloppy with yours. Manufacturing more time isn't possible, but you can
make excellent use of what you have by allocating time to talk and do things
together. When that time comes, make sure you're rested and not rushed or
preoccupied. If talking really is a priority for you, you'll say no to
time-stealers like sitcoms, reality shows, and the Internet.
3. Be creative
and perseverant. Talk about a variety of subjects—solving problems,
overcoming challenges, establishing goals and priorities, your spiritual life,
preferences, and just having fun. Start small and build. Some couples tend to
have unrealistic expectations. This may result in discouragement, criticism,
and blaming. Remember that bonding and connecting don't happen overnight.
4. Enjoy and
encourage uniqueness. You and your spouse aren't alike. Think of how awful
and boring it would be to be married to yourself! Those conversations wouldn't
be very interesting, would they? As you spend time together, resist the
temptation to try remaking your spouse in your image. Let the Holy Spirit
transform both of you into the image of Christ. Allow and encourage your spouse
to be the person God has created him or her to be, and enjoy that person.
5. Be loving,
respectful, and patient. The gift God has given you and your spouse is each
other. In the end, He'll probably be less interested in your professional
success or how much money you made than in how you nurtured the gift He gave
you in marriage.
Taking time to talk is part of that.
Choose wisely how you spend those minutes, hours, and days—especially in your
early years together.
by James Groesbeck, Amy Swierczek
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