Spirit breakout: where there is no vision, the people perish

“Is this it? Is this the best it can ever be? Boye you just have to change the way you.......”

I saw the flash of hurt in his eyes, but I was too frustrated to stop. We’d been dating for over a year and I’d found a greater part of that time less than fulfilling. When the fights started, we joked that we went through the honeymoon phase before the relationship officially started, but now it was no longer funny. You see we’d had feelings for each other long before the relationship officially started. Back then it was electric. My best friend often teased me about how she could feel the chemistry between Boye and I when she was in the room with us.

He cut me off mid sentence.

“Ruth let me ask you a question”

I restrained myself from speaking as I watched him gather his thoughts.

“When exactly did things change? How did this relationship you claimed gave you so much fulfilment only a few months ago become so unfulfilling?”

I took a deep breath and attempted to respond, but my mind drew a blank, so he continued.

“It breaks my heart to see you so unhappy. Whatever I do these days either irritates or annoys you. Gone are the days when I could do no wrong, now it seems I can do no right! You hardly smile at me anymore I see the way you light up around your friends, and I think if only I can be better, if only I can do better then maybe, just maybe.....”

He ran his left hand over his head- something he did when he was frustrated.

“Ruth, I know you don’t love me anymore.”

He was right, I didn’t love him anymore.

“Right now, everything I do feels like pouring water into a bottomless pit. I’m tired of the double standards and constantly being made to feel like a disappointment. How is it ok for you to ask me to change things about myself and when I suggest clothes I think would suit you, you suggest I go get a Barbie and stop trying to dress you up.”

I could sense him trying to control his emotions. He looked me straight in the eyes and asked me something that shook me to the core.

“How and when did I suddenly stop being good enough?”

His face twisted in pain as he continued

“It’s funny; the love I have for you is in no way related to how you have treated me the last few months. If it was I would probably have killed you by now. I spend my time focusing on what I like about you, trying to stoke the fire in my heart. While you’ve spent that time concentrated on all the stuff about me you dislike.”

 “So you know what? I’ve decided to make a change that will definitely give you less to be sad, angry, irritated and disappointed about. I can’t bear how unhappy your constantly being disappointed with me and my efforts has made you.”

Right then, he handed me his half of the “Forever Friends” key holder I’d given him.

“It’s obvious I’m not the boyfriend you want, so how about I change my status from boyfriend to just friend.”

By this time my head was spinning. Did my boyfriend just break up with me?

The Moral?

My day job is far from my dream job. It involves more out of office trips than I’d like, and this depressed me a lot between the end of last year and most of early this year. Every time I thought about how different it was from my dream job and went over all the things I hated about it, the more angry, unfulfilled and depressed I became. I just couldn’t see past the (exaggerated in my mind) frequent out of office trips, for me the only option was to find another job - even if it wasn’t my dream job, something with less out of office trips.

The bible says, where there is no vision the people perish. I’ve since come to understand that vision here means the capacity to see beyond any given situation/ limitation. When you cannot see beyond an obstacle, you have no way of overcoming that obstacle. The reality of life is that we become what we focus on. In the story, we see that before Ruth and Boye officially started dating, they both focused on the good qualities about each other indirectly stoking the fire of love they had in their hearts for each other- something Boye continued to do even after they officially started dating. Ruth however, was more focused on Boye’s negative traits, the more she focused on them the less fulfilled she felt in the relationship and the less love she felt for Boye.

Now nobody is perfect, and no one should settle for what they absolutely cannot stand. However, a question we should ask ourselves in situations like this is, if nothing has changed- if the person, situation, limitation hasn’t gotten worse, why have our feelings gotten worse? Most times we realise it’s our perception that has changed, so even when we find ourselves in a different situation we still encounter the challenges of the previous situation because we are still the same.

In my case I spent so much time concentrating on the negative aspects of my job, I ignored the positive, like the fact that while working here, I met someone who is now one of my best- it’s a huge blessing having to work with a good friend, so when I focus on him and what a blessing he’s been to me, my feelings change and I’m glad to be at work.

The devil is indeed the father of lies and wants us to feel like the situation will never change, like it will never get better. He wants to keep us focused on his lies and breed toxic emotions in our hearts. But God says our focus should be on Him and what He says about our situation. God wants us to develop a capacity for vision, and develop the ability to see beyond the negative. He wants us to realise that often times we are the ones that need to be changed and not our situation.

An extract from a Joyce Meyer Devotional

From strength to strength

Psalm 84:5-7 “Blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) is the man whose strength is in You, in whose heart are the highways to Zion. Passing through the Valley of Weeping (Baca), they make it a place of springs; the early rain also fills [the pools] with blessings. They go from strength to strength [increasing in victorious power]; each of them appears before God in Zion.”

I have discovered that when I am unhappy, I am tempted to start blaming my unhappiness on some circumstance or person in my life who is not giving me what I feel I need. Satan wants us to think that nothing will ever change, that things will only get worse. He wants us to inventory every disappointing that that has ever happened in our lives and think about how mistreated we have been. We can either be angry or we can look at God to meet our need.

Prayer

Lord, I draw my strength from You today. Help me to keep my eyes on You and see the difficult places turned into pools of blessings. Amen

Spirit breakout: Daddy's little princess

For as long as I can remember, my dad had always been my best friend.  I’d always been ‘daddy’s little princess’, and he was my hero and my number one fan.

I remember quite vividly the day all that changed. I’d been upset daddy had come home slightly earlier than usual, because that meant I wouldn’t be able to surprise him with the jelly I’d made him which wouldn’t be set for another 2 or so hours. Regardless, I excitedly ran to the door to give him a hug and a kiss as was our ritual. I sensed something was wrong when he didn’t pick me up and spin me around like he always did. I was horrified that he somehow sensed I may have been upset about his coming home early, so I tried to cheer him up by telling him how much I loved him, but He didn’t respond, he didn’t even smile at me.  That day was the first of so many times he looked at me with something I didn’t quite understand then, but which my now adult mind would have recognised as hatred and disgust.

Daddy never smiled at me again. No matter how hard I tried to please him nothing I did was ever good enough for him. Gone were the words of encouragement he used to shower me with. Still, nothing could have prepared me for what happened the day mummy died. I received no comfort from my father when he told me my mum was involved in a fatal car accident, instead I was shipped off to live with her younger sister. How does a 10year old girl deal with the news her mother just died and that her father was rejecting her- sending her away because the only reason he kept her around was now dead. The last time I saw my dad was the day of the funeral. I’d tried to get his attention, but he wouldn’t even look at me.

But that was 15years ago. Now as I finish of what’s left of the box of crunchy nut cornflakes, I’m confused as to why my best friend just doesn’t get that I cannot accept love from the man who abandoned me when I needed him most. I couldn’t wrap my mind around it then, and in many ways I still can’t. How do you just stop loving someone? How could the man who called me his little princess, who promised to always be there for me, just stop loving me?

 “Fope, you aren’t getting what I’m saying. I’ve honestly completely forgiven him, I have nothing against him. The way I see it, it’s ridiculous to be angry at someone just because they don’t love you”

“Ruth if you really have forgiven him why won’t.....”

Throwing my hands up in the air, and almost knocking the box of cereal over.

“We’ve been through this a million times, and frankly I don’t think I want to discuss it anymore! Forgiving is easy. Forgetting? Not so much. I just can’t.......”

“Can’t or won’t?”

Her words stung, maybe because I knew they were true. For the longest time I’d dreamed of my dad realising the error of his ways and coming back with his tail between his legs, but now that it was finally happening, I didn’t want it. And she was right, I hadn’t made much of an effort to look past the hurt, I unconsciously decided I wouldn’t make things easy for him. I wanted him to have a taste of the pain and rejection he subjected me to.

My best friend pulled me into a warm hug as I tried to fight back the tears that threatened to flow.

“He sent me away Fope. In the blink of an eye his love turned to hatred, how do you just stop loving someone? And now I’m magically supposed to accept that love – a love that is here today and gone tomorrow? I’m sorry, I just can’t trust that love of his. If it’s the same love of 15years ago that he wants to give me I can tell you right now that I don’t want it. I just ca...”

“Enough with the you can’t this, you can’t that. I’m not trying to justify what he’s done, but put yourself in his shoes, and imagine how he must have felt when he found out that you were the product of his wife’s infidelity. A constant reminder of what ultimately led to the breakdown of his marriage. He was wrong to treat you the way he did, but you of all people know hurt people hurt people”

Pulling away.

“He built a wall, and shut me out. He can’t waltz back into my life 15years later because he is terminally ill and suddenly realises he got it wrong all those years ago, and that I am actually his daughter. What if next week another report comes out saying I’m not really his daughter? Will he still love me then? I forgive him, but his love means nothing to me. I don’t trust it to always be there, so I can’t accept it.”

“Do you love him?”

Her question threw me off guard. All these years I’d concentrated on how much he didn’t love me, never once did I ever consider how I felt about him.

“Madam the issue here is that I just don’t trust him, it’s not about me or how.....”

“Well maybe it should be about you. What do you think love is? And that’s not a rhetorical question”

I shook my head violently, this definitely wasn’t one of the times I wanted the Holy Spirit all up in my head. But the harder I shook my head, the clearer 1Cor 13:7 “Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres”, was impressed in my heart. Right then, I broke down and started crying. My friend held me tightly in her arms as I cried the tears I’d refused to cry for many years, the tears I’d told myself my father didn’t deserve. But God was not done with me yet. Fope told me something that shook my whole belief system to its very core.

“He doesn’t know you are his daughter”

I froze. She continued.

She told me how his daughter Sheni had found among his things the unopened result of the paternity test my mother had tried to use to prove that I was his daughter and how for some inexplicable reason Sheni hadn't yet shared her discovery with him. I don’t know which shook me more, the fact that he could so easily throw me away without having concrete proof that I wasn't his daughter, or the fact that he wanted a relationship with me now regardless.

“Ruth no one is asking you to allow things go back to the way they were. That’s impossible. He realises that his actions had consequences. He knows he has to work to earn the trust he destroyed all those years ago. All he needs from you is an opportunity to prove himself. No one expects anything to happen overnight, but I believe you both will come out stronger”

I wasn’t in the mood for her Christianese, but I knew my friend was right. Sigh. She’s always right. Sinking deeper into her arms I knew what I had to do. Tomorrow I would go to the hospital to see the man who had abandoned me 15years ago. I was willing to take things one day at a time, not because I believed he deserved it, but because I love him- and that’s what love does. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 

The largest painting by numbers

The largest painting by numbers measures 3,130.55 m² (33,696 ft² 138.2 in²) and was unveiled by the Ecole de Dessin in partnership with Lagos State Government, Nigeria, on 17 November 2010 in celebration of Guinness World Records Day 2010 and also a means to draw awareness to issue of climate change in Nigeria.

The painting measured 63.5 m (208 ft 3.99 in) x 49.3 m (161 ft 8.94 in) and was created by 350 volunteers and represents the map of Nigeria, the logo of 350.org in the middle of the map, the flag of Nigeria (green, white, green) which was painted around the map.

http://www.guinnessworldrecords.com/records-1000/largest-painting-by-numbers/

This iconic painting will be up for exhibition at the Methodist Boys High School Victoria Island Lagos from the 1st of October to the 12th of October 2012.

Also there would be a Press Conference which holds on the 12^th of October 2012 and will have in attendance; The Governor of Lagos State, Top Government Functionaries and other esteemed dignitaries.

This event is in partnership with the Lagos State Government.

Visit: www.ecolededessin.org  for more info 

Spirit breakout

Right now, right this moment, I'm looking across the garden and watching my husband-the love of my life, the only man I've ever loved roll around our freshly mowed lawn with our 2 beautiful children. God has blessed our ministry and our businesses, the kids are doing exceptionally well in school- what more can I ask for?

So in my usual fashion, with my heart overwhelmed with joy, I’m asking God the same question I've been asking Him for years.

”Lord, who am I that You are mindful of me”

 He’s just given me the same answer He’s been giving me for years

“I have loved you with an everlasting love”.

But you should know, it hasn't always been like this, I haven’t always felt this way. I haven’t always known this peace; once upon a time this joy was alien to me and crippling fear was my constant companion. You see most of my life; I battled sexual & emotional abuse, insecurity & rejection, emotional instability and numerous health issues. But  today, as I lay here, safe in the shadow of His wings thinking about what I've been through and where I am now, I’d say I have a lot to be thankful for. But hey, that’s just me- you may have a different opinion.

My name is Ruth Davids and this is my story.

You are beautiful to God

I came across this video today on the P4CM website and almost shed a few tears. It touched me deeply because it's something I can relate to as I'm sure many other young ladies can. I won't say much, but will let the video speak for itself. 

A word of encouragement though....... the area of your deepest pain is usually the area of your ministry. A dear friend once told me that the harder the test, the greater the testimony. Whatever you are struggling with today, believe God hears you, and He will lift you from the miry clay- it may not be the way or when you expect, but He will show up at the right time. One day soon, your story will encourage others.

Be disciplined. Set and stick to boundaries in every area of your life!

1Peter 5:8 "Be well balanced (temperate, sober of mind), be vigilant and cautious at all times; for that enemy of yours, the devil, roams around like a lion roaring [in fierce hunger], seeking someone to seize upon and devour." 

 In this video Joyce Meyer encourages us according to 1Thessalonians 5:22 to flee from every appearance of evil. We are encouraged to set boundaries in every area of a our lives- this keeps us disciplined and is an effective way of helping us overcome temptation, by preventing those temptation causing opportunities from occurring in the first place.