Self Esteem - The Beginning

It’s been a while since I read a book – not since last year actually. I’ve been soooo busy with one thing or the other that I’ve barely had the time. But I have repented of my ways and I’m back on track with my “One book a month” commitment.

In November last year, in my post Knock, knock please let me in!!!! I mentioned the book I am currently reading. It’s titled The New Building Your Mates Self- Esteem by Dr Dennis Rainey . I ordered 2 copies of the book from Amazon then, but due to some issues one of which is the fact that I live in Nigeria, I only received the books a few days ago- I’m actually glad they came late, or rather, they came just in time for me to read as I’m just getting back into reading. If they had arrived as expected in December, they’d likely be gathering dust somewhere – like the dozens of other books I have on my waiting list. So a quick shout out to God, Who ensures everything, does work out for my good.

                   

                                          

Some of you may have caught on to the fact that I ordered 2 copy’s- yep, yep. One for me and one for you silly! Yes, one lucky person is going to receive a free copy at no expense to him/ her- I’ll tell you a bit about that in a bit.

Even though it’s supposed to be my book for March, I actually started reading it about 2 days ago, and I’m in love with it already. The objective of the book is to build marriages (relationships) and not minds, there’s no point having all the knowledge if you do not apply it - a quote (from the book) that illustrates this point:

“The object of Bible Study is changed lives. The Christian world is suffering from a deficiency of Vitamin A- Application”

Dr. Howard G. Hendricks

Dallas Theological Seminary

In my opinion one of the major problems couples face in their relationships is a fear of rejection. If your partner sees rejection or any lack of acceptance, the result will be fear- and fear is one of the most powerful motivational forces today. If you want to see your partners self image strengthened, then you need to recognize that the fear of rejection is your enemy.

1 John 4:18a (AMP) “There is no fear in love [dread does not exist], but full-grown (complete, perfect) love turns fear out of doors and expels every trace of terror! For fear brings with it the thought of punishment “

The book talks about how fear will begin to dissolve in your partner under a steady stream of authentic love- that accepts and embraces another even in his/ her weakness - Your attitude can either fuel or kill the fear.

I really think it’s a book for every shelf, that’s why I want to share it with someone - I’ll put up how you can get your hands on the free copy tomorrow- till then......

Love

Ezer

Ezer is one!!!! Woooo hoooo

48 posts (this is the 49th), 3355 page views and 1 year later Ezer Kenegdo / Help Meet is one!!!!!! Wooohoooo. I’m so grateful to God it’s unbelievable. It’s amazing to think that in one year I have struggled with all sorts of challenges that threatened to stop God’s work here, but God who is called faithful has indeed been faithful. I’m grateful to Him for all those He used in one way or the other to keep this fire burning.

This has not been by my power nor might, but by God’s Spirit all the way. Thank You Lord for inspiration; for always giving me the words to write. I pray this well will never run dry and You forever find me fit to be used by You.

Awesome, Awesome God! This past year with You has been both amazing and liberating. Here’s to many, many more.

Love now and forever

Ezer

The Valentine Story

“I’m so sorry” Jane gushed almost knocking me down in a hurry to get somewhere.

Bending down to pick up the files the impact had sent flying. “It’s ok. Just take it easy so you get where you are going in one piece” I replied.

“So you must have seen what Tade got today?” She asked excitedly.

”No” I replied curtly.

“Oh ok. I thought since you were coming from the direction of her office that you must have......” she trailed off.

Trying not to roll my eyes, I said a quick goodbye, not wanting to be drawn into a conversation about the events of the past few days.

Tade had been receiving Valentine gifts from her husband since the First of February. The gifts kept on getting increasingly extravagant that everyone was anxious to see what would happen on Valentine’s Day. It had started off with a dozen roses, then cupcakes from her favourite patisserie in the UK! He’d even gotten one of her favourite artists to come and perform for her right here in the office! At this rate, I wondered what else there was to do on Valentine’s day or any other Valentine’s day for that matter, then I thought of my own husband who would most likely send me the same text message he sent me 2 years ago- that’s if I’m lucky and he even remembers. After all, he forgot last year.

The office was buzzing. Everyone was talking about Tade’s latest gift.  “Wow are you serious? Tade is one lucky lady sha” Said a random lady I’d never even seen before.

“I can’t wait to see what the bros will do on Valentine’s Day...” replied the equally random lady she was walking with.

**********

Tade’s husband didn’t disappoint. I don’t know how he’d pulled it off but he managed to get her time off work for a few days for an all expense paid trip to Cape Verde.

By the 100^th offer of cake, I couldn’t take it anymore; everyone except me seemed to have gotten something. So I took some time out to be alone.

“Are you ok?” I heard Tade ask softly.

“Yes I am” I replied wiping my tears, I didn’t realise I was sobbing so loudly. Embarrassed, I just wanted to jump into the toilet.

“Do you want to talk about it?” She asked in that motherly tone of hers that just makes you want to hug her.

“No thanks. I’m fine”

“Gloria, you know you are not alright. If it’s so bad that you have to come and lock yourself up in here to cry”.

How can I tell this woman that I’m crying because I didn’t get a gift from my husband, talk less of him even wishing me a happy valentine’s day? This sort of a woman would not understand what it’s like to feel so unloved by the one person you love the most in this world.

“I’m not going anywhere until you come out” she said

Sighing deeply I opened the door of the toilet stall.

“Oh dear!” she gasped “you look terrible”

Just great I thought. How will I explain red swollen eyes to everyone in the office?

She reached over and pulled me into a warm embrace. “What’s wrong dear?”

I don’t know what came over me, but I poured my heart out to her.

I didn’t blame her for being silent for a while when I finished talking. She was probably thinking about what a loser I am.

When she eventually spoke, what she said left me speechless. She told me how for the first 5years of her marriage her husband didn’t acknowledge birthdays, valentine, Christmas nor even their wedding anniversary, and how her marriage had almost ended because of it. Luckily for her, a friend gave her the same advice she was about to give me.

“So you see my dear, you fight on your knees and not with your fists or with your mouth”

She laughed when I looked at her like she was crazy

“There is nothing God cannot do. Don’t get me wrong, my husband didn’t change overnight oh. Actually it was even I who changed first; God showed me a better way of communicating my needs. I’ve been married for 11years, but my husband has only been this way for the last 4 of those years”

I stared at her, speechless.

“I think he is trying to make up for all the years he was not like this” she laughed and continued “it’s only God that changes people dear, your tears and nagging will not bring lasting change, only God does. Don’t think that this is too small or trivial to take to Him in prayer. God is concerned about every aspect of your life, especially your marriage, and He will do everything to make sure it succeeds, you just have to do things His way”

Source: Pinterest

She gave me another hug and left me with my thoughts. I didn’t know where I’d start or what I’d say, but the words came as I let myself go. Then came the peace, and in a split second I knew what to do. I took permission from my boss and left 2 hours early.

**********

I met my husband at the door with a kiss, took his briefcase from him and led him to the living room. Seeing the puzzled look in his eyes, I answered his question even before he asked.

“I just thought it’d be nice if I did something special today” I said, gesturing to the candle lit dinner I’d laid out on the living room floor.

**********

That was 3 years ago. Today as I sit in my office cradling the roses my husband sent me for Valentine’s Day, I say a little prayer of thanks to my God that indeed answers prayers.

MY Lord, my King, my Valentine, my Everything

I don’t remember the day I was born, but You do. I don’t remember my first birthday, but You do. I don’t remember what I wore the day I asked You to be my Everything, but You do. I don’t even remember the exact time I woke up yesterday, or how long it took me to get ready, but You do. I don’t know how many strands of hair I have on my head, but You do. I don’t know how much I weight right now, but You do.

I’m not perfect. Most times I knowingly disobey You because I’m fearful. More often than I should, I let unimportant things and people get in the way of us. I prioritise selfishly, putting my needs, my desires, and my wants before You.

You say, beautiful daughter of mine, you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Look, I’ve written your names on the backs of my hands. The walls you’re rebuilding are never out of my sight. How can You love me? Perfect as You are, righteous in all Your ways, Sovereign God, perfect in all Your ways, right in all You do. Faithful when I am faithless. Unchanging when I am tossed about by this storm and that. You, who are merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. All have sinned and fall short of my glory, I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness. Neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate you from My love in Christ Jesus. You remind me of the sacrifice of Your son, made while I was still drenched in sin. Your love is not a function of who I am or what I do, but on whom You are. You love me because You decided to, for You and not for me. Not because I am perfect, we both know I’m not. I am for you. Who can be against You?

Sometimes I get scared- things aren’t going the way they should, I get confused and don’t know what to say or do. I have not given you the spirit of fear, but of power love and a sound mind. Trust in me with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek My will in all you do, and I will show you which path to take. My Spirit is right alongside helping you along. If you don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does your praying in and for you, making prayer out of your wordless sighs, your aching groans. He knows you far better than you know yourself, knows your pregnant condition, and keeps you present before Me. That’s why you can be so sure that every detail in your life of love for God is worked into something good.

Thank You Lord for the sacrifice of Your only son. Thank You for this love of Yours that never, no not ever fails. Thank You for never ever leaving me. For taking me through the fire and the water, making me stronger, better and more like You with each passing day. Thank You for healing, for provision, protection, grace and mercy. You have seen me through so much; Your strength is constantly made perfect in my weakness. When I am hungry You feed me. Broken, you heal me. Lost, you gently bring me back to You. Confused, You direct me. There is none that compares with You, my Everything. You are the source of my strength, the strength of my life, the solid  rock on which I stand, the author and finisher of my faith, the pillar that hold this life of mine together. There is nothing I have that didn’t come from You. These hands of mine that You have blessed so much I lift in praise to You. Holy are You Lord almighty. Perfect is all that You do. Thank You for this constant, unshakeable love of Yours. There is nothing that compares to it; not even the comfort of bread (lol and You know I LOVE bread! You know EVERYTHING about me even things I don’t know).

You blow my mind with the songs You put on my lips. Your testimonies in my life leave me speechless. Who is there in heaven, on earth or even under it that dares compare with You? I know I’m not where You want me to be, but I’m not where I used to be either- and that’s all thanks to YOU. No one will share Your glory; take it ALL Lord.

We are on our way. Thank You, thank You, Thank You.....for EVERYTHING for this love of Yours that I can never get rid of, even if I wanted to (errr which I don’t oh).

So my Lord, my King, My Lover, my Valentine.....happy valentine to You oh Lover of my soul.

Love now and forever

The one You call precious

Ezer

My Lord, My Valentine

My Lord, My Valentine : Your love never gives up on me

No, not ever!

Never ever will You give up on me.  You see the potential in me. You see all that I can be. You don’t give up when I’m rigid and difficult to mould. Not even when I stubbornly turn away from You.

You are my biggest fan, having faith in me when I have none in myself. Where would I be without this persevering love of Yours. That doesn’t give up when it’s not returned, not even when I reek of sin, nor when I’m miles away from who/where I should be.

I can never escape from it, i can trust it because it’ll always be there- gently encouraging me to be all i can be and more. Oh much more.

It’s too amazing for words, this love of Yours.

Yours forever

My Lord, My Valentine : Your Love keeps no record of my wrongs

Lord, I’ve been bad. Remember all the things I’ve done, the things I’ve thought of doing? How can you love me after all that?

You smile, and pull me even closer into Your warm embrace, the harder I struggle to get away from You. You whisper o so gently “Old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new”

What manner of Love is this? That constantly starts on a clean slate, not remembering neither holding me to past sins and mistakes? You love me freely and trust me completely not letting my dirty past cloud a bright future.

It’s amazing how You truly do forget.

Yours lovingly

My Lord, My Valentine: Your Love does not demand it's own way with me

Ps 18: 30 “God’s way is perfect. All the Lord’s promises prove true.”

Everything about You is perfect. You know everything, yet You force nothing on us, even though Your ways are ALWAYS right. Free will; just one of the many evidences of Your love for us means You force nothing on no one, but instead patiently wait for us to see the error of our ways. For us to turn to You the one true God- greater than all, Sovereign God.

Your ways are perfect. More than perfect. You are perfect. More than perfect.

It is Your gentle love that transforms us, not forceful ways like that of the world, that transforms us to who You desire for us to be- for who you desire for me to be. Even when I suffer rejection in the hands of the world, when they say I’m not good enough, when they say it’s their way or the high way, I know all of me is accepted by You. It’s not Your way or the high way. This love of Yours is magical.

Yours forever

My Lord, My Valentine : Your Love is kind to me

Generous and considerate; what manner of love is this? Blessed beyond belief is what You’ve made me. You treat me independently of how i treat You. Testimony upon testimony has been my lot, even when i had no relationship with You.

Everything i am, everything i have is as a function of You. How can You show me so much kindness? Make my life a testimony of Your mercy and favour? You are so gracious, oh so gracious, treating me better than my actions deserve.

Your loving kindness is like no other. Nothing....no one compares.

Yours lovingly

My Lord, My Valentine : Your Love is Patient with me

You called me when I was 8, and like the little girl I was I ran into Your arms, no questions asked. You saw me through so much. But then I grew, not in wisdom, but in stupidity, and told myself I didn't need You, not by my words but through my actions. All that sin seemed like much more fun than time with You. Now, I can’t believe I chose this world over You, A world that hurt me time and time again, fed me so many lies and changed in so many ways. But You, the Rock of my salvation patiently waited for me to see the error of my ways. When I lied, you were still waiting. When I cheated and took what was not meant for me, You were still waiting. When I committed unimaginable sin, You were still waiting. Patiently waiting for me to turn to You, the Love of my life, the Pillar that holds my life together.

I still remember that faithful day. It started like any other, but little did I know what lay in wait for me. I remember my walk on the bridge, leisurely strolling to the job You’d so graciously provided me with.  Then You reached out to touch me, to tug at my heart strings. When You flooded me with the awareness of You, the magnificent You. I burst into tears; I didn't know what to say. I felt so ashamed. All the things I’d done. The ways I’d hurt You and thrown Your love for me back in Your face.

What kind of love is this? It was I that went away. I who rejected Your ways. Yet for over 8 years You waited for me. Patiently waited for me to accept the love You so freely give. And on that day I came to you, so aware of what I’d done, it was You who wiped my tears whispered it’d be alright.

Even now, when I fall. When I do things I should know better than doing, You patiently correct me. With steady perseverance You graciously direct me. You are determined to make our relationship work; You don’t deal or correct me in anger but with this awesome love of Yours.

There’s nothing I've done, am doing or could ever do to deserve this unconditional love of Yours

*Sigh*

Yours affectionately